Well the stand did have a slightly good conversation, but if you take the whole weekend together it wasn't so good. I bought a pentacle on Friday. I really like this one so far. When my husband saw it he said that it was disrespect to him and the last two years without me having one had been fine and why did I have to go changing it. I had one for the seven years prior and it wasn't an issue. He said that I don't comprimise enough for our family and I'm chosing my beliefs over our family. (Here's his folow up) He then said, "I want our son to be baptized and believe in what I believe in." I think he needs to look up the word comprimise in the dictionary. I then told my husband that these are things that he needs to do for himself (which means they won't get done).

I thought about what he said about our son taking on his fathers beliefs. It's fine with me if my husband wants to tell our son of his beliefs. I figure I'll teach our son to have an open mind mind and explore everything before he settles on a path. I don't need my son to hold my beliefs, I just need him to have an open mind when it comes to most things in life. At one point in time my husband and I  (I thought) had agreed that our son would make his own choices when it came to religon. I think he still will as long as he is taught to keep an open mind.

From previous blog posts you can obviously see that my husband has lied to me about being okay with what i believe. He has burned a book of mine, had me throw away jewelry and has told me to keep my beliefs away from our son. I took this laying down for a while, but recently I have found my ground. In all my reasonings I have done my best to keep it descreet and absolutly hide my beliefs from his family. He now has over stepped his grounds. I'm not here for him to control and mold me into the perfect little wifey that his family would approve of. I should be able to follow my chosen path without the battering of a closed and uneducated mind. Please note, I have tried to let him know what I believe. His response is, "The point isn't that I'm uneducated, it's that we don't believe the same thing." But really, how can he know that if he doesn't want to know my beliefs. Our son should be able to choose what his path will be, not have it predetermined by anyone. It is okay if he goes with Christian beliefs, that's his choice not mine, but I'm not going to tell him mommy believes in nothing.

Recently, I told my husband that I'm taking my beliefs back and I am no longer going to hide it from anyone including his family. Maybe this is wrong, but I gave him an inch and he took a yard. He has now started blaming "my stand" on my sister. (sure she won't be surprised :) )

I am currently looking for an new pentacle pendant. (one of the pieces he had me throw away) I don't know what he'll do when he sees it. My take on it, is that if he really loves me and not the idea of what I should be, he'll stand up to his family and tell them he loves me anyway.

We'll see.

The HazelHearth group I joined just got together and did our first meditaion. it was written by one of the group members. The meditation was meant to help you find your focus stone. When it got to the part that you were supposed to see the color of your stone and take it. I couldn't see the color of the stone at all. When it fell off into my hand though, i got a scent instead. A flowery granite scent. After the medtation the scent was gone. It was very interesting that I couldn't see the stone because the visualization that lead up to it was very vivid.

It looks like Dec 26th is my day. That's when my hubby has to go out of town for a week. I think I will try a new way of scrying as well as the way I have been doing it in the past. To be sure. My sister told me she was making me a scrying glass for Christmas, so I'd really like to try that. I have a bottle of black water I have been using which actually works very well that I'll use as a backup if needed, because it already has an energy store. 

 I have a real inner peace when I scry. So this really excites me. :)

As I think about it. I almost feel like a sucker for getting into the position I am now. My sister explained it to me through her view of the situation: They acted PC (him and his family), but now that you're married into the family they feel they can be who they really are and there's nothing you can do about it.

I've found that the rest of my husbands immediate family are not who I thought they were either when we went to GA for the Thanksgiving weekend. On the Friday after Thanksgiving I avoided them all because they were talking about how the worlds ailments were directed toward them because they are white Catholics. His father continually bullied my 2 year old son by taking things away from him and saying, "I got it, it's mine now, Ha Ha." While holding the item just out of my sons reach.  Then continued to watch my son get upset and even cry while he kept telling him "finders keepers" and laugh. His brother calling boys with long hair little girls. To top it off, my husband mostly ignored being a father and got mad at me for wanting a two hour relaxing time. Please note, this was just this past weekend, imagine four days of this.

Oh, his family doesn't know I am Pagan. I have gotten one view from my husbands father on what Pagans are, "Pagans do those silly rituals and kill small animals on a daily basis. Then they bury them in their backyards." No joke, he said that. 

It tempts me to show them who I really am. I've been playing the PC game out of respect for my husband. I almost think that they might disown him if they found out, but I feel like a caged bird that's just ready to burst out to get my freedom. 

Rant over.